You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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