Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
