You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
