That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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