I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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