I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
