I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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