I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am available for nakedness
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
