You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Can Purell be used as lube?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I believe in your delicious
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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