We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
