I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
