why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
