worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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