just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
