I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
