he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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