babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
