Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I understand Curling. That high.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
