Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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