you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
