you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
