last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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