Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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