Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
