Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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