i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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