I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Randomize
