She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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