i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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