Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
