So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
