Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
