That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize