if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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