After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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