You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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