She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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