dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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