can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
