Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
