were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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