I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
