i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
