umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
