there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
