Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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