You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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