Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
