Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
