Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
