hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
