i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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