yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
