just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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