Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
