I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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