You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
