I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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