I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
