I just pynch a tree in the face
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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