i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it hurts more in the daytime
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
