genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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