Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
