is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
