'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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