Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
