I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
