glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
