She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
