Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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