apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
