Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
